I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
