I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Randomize
