Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i came on her dog
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
