Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
