That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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