let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
