walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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