Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
