After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We have so much sex to catch up on
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
