Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
