Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
