I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
