she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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