i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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