The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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