for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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