Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
