guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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