He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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