He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
