i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
