I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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