What did we do last night that was yellow?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
