At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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