He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
