I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
