Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
