your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
