I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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