You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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