Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
