I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
