i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
