M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I can't turn off my feet"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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