This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
