omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
