she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
