Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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