dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
one two three fourrrrnication!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
