I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
