What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
