Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
