God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
