Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize