Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
