The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize