Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
