I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
