And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
