You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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