Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
