3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
