I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize