I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
