I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
