Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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