I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
