she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
