My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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