At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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