I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
