Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
