first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
