i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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