can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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