drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
