Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
