god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
