I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize