It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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