how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
