everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
