those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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