Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
