omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Operation Purity has been aborted
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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